i am no mans "bob"

Cate Blanchett to play Bob Dylan Oscar winner Cate Blanchett, who has portrayed Queen Elizabeth and Katharine Hepburn, will add another legend to her acting resume: Bob Dylan. The 37-year-old Australian actress is one of seven actors to play Dylan at various stages of his career in the biopic, "I'm Not There," tentatively scheduled for release next year. She'll portray a specific aspect of Dylan's personality, embodied by an androgynous singer-songwriter character named Jude, according to Killer Films, the movie's production company. Heath Ledger and his girlfriend and "Brokeback Mountain" co-star Michelle Williams have also joined the cast, along with Christian Bale, Julianne Moore and Richard Gere.

i go here, again and again and again

we hold onto the past because there was hope then...

no french kissing needed

every now and then you see something different and you're really not sure how to react?

i will say my first response was a big ole laugh out loud!

a few more pieces of my puzzle

as i'm sitting here, alone in my apartment, i spent several minutes watching the cursor blink. like a favorite pet, it was there waiting for my attention. wondering what would become of this moment...

i spend a great deal of time thinking about me. no, not in a selfish way. it's time well spent looking at my life. attempting to better understand who and what i am. where i was, where i've gone and why i ended up here. surfaces are for cocktails or areas we place things on; i tend to only see them from below, since what lies beneath them is the part i'm more curious about. i guess you could say a cake would be nothing without its sweet icing, i wouldn't. the ingredients matter, they give the cake its consistency, flavor, appearance and unforgettable smell.

like most, i spend so much of my time & life, working. to this day i still don't quite understand why we truly spend so much time doing it. yes, i'm no burnt out bulb. i know what the basic answer is but beyond that, it's far too much time wasted. so with that in mind, i get angry because it's almost unavoidable. this "life" that's around us dictates it, demands it and refuses to ask less of us. so the leftover time after the 30 or 40 hours is something i embrace with brute force.

many people have told me, "you used to be so out going" or "you haven't gone out in such a long time"...many think somethings gone wrong. in all honesty, something went right. i've recently figured out a few of my "reasons for seclusion". my profession puts me with a wide variety of people: young & old, rich or almost poor, healthy or sickly, happy or sad. it's a mix many of us can relate to. since i'm one of those "non surface" folks, i spend a great deal of thinking about them, listening to them and watching them. it is the end result of these observations that somewhat defines me.

there is much anger in side of me. beneath it, deep sorrow. a very small part of all that is simply basic depression but the majority of it belongs to far greater things. so many people are unhappy. you can see it as clear as a blue sky. i think sometimes when these screaming monsters make their presence know, some of their "reasons for unhappiness" are lagit. but are they trying to make changes in their lives? people are upset by rising costs, poor wages, health issues, poor work conditions & situations, government decisions...the list could go on. so take that, and put it inside someone who is selfish from the start. wala a.k.a. jerk.

i'm tired of all the mean people, you can't seem to avoid them anymore. screaming children. people who spend $2, 000.00 for a set of four wheels. the death of so many for one mans plan. parents who don't supervise their children. people who disrespect others. people who know the laws but think they can interpret each law to fit their personal needs. parents who are stupid; instead of screaming your child's name throughout the store, walk around and find them. people who are two feet away from a trash container but choose to toss their garbage on the ground. all the "me, me, me" people. young people in general because of their greed, their worthless existence, their obsession with material things and their need to spend almost all of their time being selfish. people who lie to gain. people who agree for the sake of not having to think about something. those who want to blend in all over. people who make mistakes and refuse to take ownership to them.

when i'm home, none of this is here. it's peaceful, quiet and comfortable. the door bell doesn't ring, the phone ringer is turned off and the volume on the answer phone is set to 1. i don't think of it as "shutting off" it's more about recognizing what's in need of repair. it's about nurtureing your heart & soul. no time to clock, no duties to manage, no sales to sell, no having to say the same intro over and over, no need to be critical or defensive, nothing to show and nothing to say.

look at what we've become...so much has gone wrong. times change but some things will never be the same. i no longer have much faith in the idea that things will get better. it's become a game of survival. i dislike games without rules and competiveness. life shouldn't be a "sporting event", it's a journey, a celebration, an adventure; one of which we are all entitled to.

i'm sad to say it's very difficult for me to be around "people" for any length of time anymore. i have no choice but to preserve my peace, stay grounded and maintain some focus. if i'm guilty of anything, it's being so protective of myself...

it's 6 a.m., the sun has begun to rise, once agin. we're lucky!

yummy bunnies

WOW!

i got my first box today and i'm sold. leave it to the good folks at annie's homegrown to produce a cracker that's baked, no hydrogenated oils and has no artificial flavors! they are just the right size for snacking or adding them to a hot bowl of soup. i had to laugh, seeing the little rabbits swimming around in the soup. they also make a cheddar version as well.

you can visit their web site here http://www.annies.com/

film 04-30-06

here are a few flicks that i recently spent time with...

"the family stone" was a hoot! diane keaton has always been a personal favorite. coming home for the holidays doesn't always guarantee you a gift, but you can always count on the family, being family. i laughed a lot and got a little misty. the film takes place over the holidays and delivers a no holds bar account of what it's really like to "all be together". the film also makes a very strong social statement...having children who grow up to be gay is a good thing. supporting your "family" regardless of who or what they are is always, most important. stop now and go rent this! "welcome back, wasn't that great?" "undertow" a great suspense/chase film. two brothers, kids kept from the real world and a dark secret. dermot mulroney & josh lucas give good performances. script is solid and the backwoods surroundings are a character all their own. "jarhead" i remember a few things about this-i was disappointed in the films direction, i liked some of the visuals, learned about the "oil" rain and a santa hat literally covering a private! "lovely and amazing" nicole wrote and directed and the end result was pure perfection. the cast is great especially the young adopted daughter annie. it a film about holding on and letting go. it makes a strong, positive statement about women without trying to be a film about strong women. a young jake gyllenhaal also gives us a sneak peek of his talents and his love for "older" women.

"lie with me" i read something a while back about this film. in the snippet it mentioned that the film contained lots of nudity; my idea then is very much different now. here's a film the explores "love" in ways it's rarely ever filmed or spoken of. i liked how the female's (played by lauren lee smith) ideas and thoughts were delivered and how the young male (played by eric balfour) pursued his desires without limits. in today's films, you will more than likely not see any male nudity. most male actors are either too shy, torn up about the whole size-worthy issue or have simply decided to keep the package gift wraped.

take a deep breath boys! balfour doesn't seem to agree; i have never watched a major film from america like this. maybe it's canadian thing? maybe clothes don't matter? maybe balfour wanted to make a statement? none the less, the main characters spend a great deal of time, without "disguises" of any kind. their emotions and their "gifts" are right in front of you;
no focus necessary.