health & wellness...here, my intention is to speak of my illness, ms (multiple sclerosis) kind of as an endless stream of facts, feelings and everything else.
the official word came from my neurologist, dr. farell, in april of 2003. oddly enough i think i handled it pretty well at the time. i had done some research on my own in the fall of 2002. after just a few weeks of comparing my symptoms to a few possibilities, i had a good idea what was wrong. i also had some help & endless support from a woman i barley knew. she would later become the one person in my life who knows exactly how and what i feel; sadly, she feels it to.
near the end of august 2003, my friend of many years (dan) was going to move away from his parents home in hazelton, pa to our capital city harrisburg. there he had accepted a teaching position in the hershey school district and was about to begin a new life. the plan in motion was that i would take the weekend off, drive to haddock friday late afternoon, accompany his dad for the ride down then return the next day to return the moving van. that friday morning i woke up and started getting my flat ready for my weekend away. phone calls, emails, extra cat food...normal stuff. as the day continued, i packed my bags and then showered. got dressed and started gathering a few things i had forgotten earlier.
all of a sudden i started feeling really "zippy" like i just downed three expresso's. i started literally racing around the apartment. within a few minutes my heart rate seemed to double and i started feeling nauseous. then i started getting dizzy followed by a cold sweat. i put up with it for about ten minutes then i got scared. what the hell was happening? i remember at that point deciding to go nextdoor to kate & art's since no one else was in the building at that time. kate works for a vet and has two kids so i thought she might be able to give me a little insight as to my condition. i couldn't even stand still for a second all the while she listened to me babbling about everything that was happening to me. she wanted to take me to the hospital but i declined. i said i would call my doctor and then thanked her for being there for me. so i phoned the doc and he called in two scrips for me-one for anxiety and one for the dizzy stuff. from the time this all started till three hours later, i spent all of my time either trying to lye down while the room spun around or pacing the apartment from front to back. it was a cold hell where i was. i dreaded the call to dan canceling my trip and my help. he was counting on me for this and i really wanted to be there for him; something else had other plans for me. happy to say dan was understanding about me not coming and was also concerned as to what was happening to me.
a month or so later, i started getting these pains in my head which weren't your typical headache's. they continued even though my doctor was treating me for allergy-sinus issues. nothing seemed to be working, still had the headaches, dizziness and the anxiety. after sharing some of my ideas, a few arguments and a variety of silly excuses from the doc, he agreed to have an mri done. at the time i had no idea how difficult it was to have an mri approved let alone the cost, $3,000.00! i think it was mid october around 9 am. i remember the cold breeze and how nervous i was...oops maybe it was anxiety?
time to pause, i'm tired. they didn't build rome in a day! i'll be back tomorrow...
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