The Witch's One on One With Sally Secret

Good evening everyone. I’m Sally Secret and have I got something to tell you! Welcome to our exclusive interview, one on one, with the wicked witch of the west. We were gonna broadcast this live but things got changed. The recording is live, you just can't see us. I look good, don't worry. As some of you already know, Ms. Witch was recently "knocked off her broom" quite suddenly. No need to worry viewers, she's is ok.

When I sat down and started to put together this interview, I must say I wasn't too sure what to expect from a green faced witch. I remember her from my childhood and that annoying cackle of hers. I think I was nine when my fist migraine hit me. Oh, and those flying monkeys...where in gods name did they come from? Never mind, that’s only one of six things Sally doesn’t want to know. Because of our younger listening audience tonight, I’ll refrain from telling you the other five. Ah, hold on just a second, it's been a busy week and my throat is aching....Christina! (She’s my new assistant and a distant relative of you know who) how bout that stoli! "Ms Secret, we are recording!" a quick turn to the left "thank you. ooops, I just can't stop saying what's on my mind... oh and before I forget, I want to say hello girls to Mandy Magnolia & Danesha Daffodil, this cute lesbian couple I meet while at the red light at 48th and 9th. They were washing their over-alls at the coin op, that new place... fluff & fold. Nice girls, very polite. They never asked for change? Anyway...slurp, that was refreshing.

After spending over 3 hours with her, I certainly learned a great deal about her “night job” at the movie place and all its inner mechanics, both public and private. Talk about entertainment! By the end of the interview, you to will also learn as did I, that she is truly a victim of several double standards. Hey, she's no post-it note, let me tell you. Well listeners, here is her true story. And no this isn’t the version you already heard. This one is sure to light a few dark hallways. Like the one in the loft with, oh won't dare bother with that right now...Max, you were fabulous! Good luck on your algebra test!

Editor’s note: some of the names have been changed to protect the guilty.

SS: Welcome to my show, Ms. Witch

Ww: Right. Thank you for your interest in my personal story.

SS: So, word on the street is you got the axe…

Ww: Every block of oak someday meets their axe dear. Blades dull over time and oaks survive. Talk to Treebeard, he’ll tell you.

SS: Ah, ok, I’ll talk to the trees the next time the cab drops me off at the forest. Anyway, I’m quite surprised at you’re a “manor of speaking” if you will. Being the Wicked Witch, my first thought was your vocabulary would be limited and a little gritty, if you know what I mean.

Ww: Just because someone calls you “wicked” doesn’t mean you’re uneducated. You know the old saying; don’t judge a book by its cover? I was but a young girl at the time that was quoted. It’s easy to judge others, especially when you don’t want to see your true self in the mirror. All you need do is cast all that hatred and guilt at someone else so that you can feel free of it.

SS: Ooh I love looking at myself in the mirror; I have one in every room of my apartment. And tossing a little spicy sauce here and there is always fun... I just love the after stains!

Ww: If you say so, Sally. If I may, I’d like to stand for a moment and show you something.

SS: Sure thing honey, unless it’s a secret birth defect. I’ve got a weak stomach to begin with.

Ww: There there dear, no need to worry of such things. Pay close attention…

SS: Good Christ! You’re pulling off your green skin? Sweet Loraine, you’re the Good Witch of the North!

GW: Yes I am dear. My heavens…look at the silk and lace, all wrinkled from this dreadful witch’s costume. All things come clean, in time. I wore this because I’ve been labeled as such. It’s time to step forward and show them who I really am. I must say that all the anger and disgust that has been running through my veins recently, has made me uneasy. I take great pride in being a good person, but the only way to have some closure to this matter is to become, temporarily, a wicked witch. This is why I have asked for this interview. I can do and say what needs to be, then walking away from it. I think now would be a good time to get comfortable and have a cup of tea. I have much to tell you. I’ve harbored many things for almost two years; a load I needn’t carry any longer.

SS: Christina! Two tea’s, one no spike. OK let’s break for a commercial and come back wand’s loaded!

To be continued…