i think, october 2005

i think...
this is the part where i spill all my marbles, regardless who might fall!

1 october, 2005
i've just gotten home from yet another shift at the big b! today wasn't very different from any other day; more of the same. it amazes me that someone can do the same thing, every couple of days, and only grasp most of its patterns. after being with them for at least seven months and asking the same routine questions, the stupids can only reply...oh, yeh, sorry. the response i wish i could say: "I'd ring your buzzer but i see the wiring is missing! what compels you to lay the dvd's on the counter where i have a difficult time reaching them? you know you can't "go home happy" if i don't scan the rentals and you pay the bill! it's always been our policy, to rent you need a membership card. with that in mind don't you think the member card is vital to your transaction? it would be nice, just once, if i didn't have to ask you for your god-damn member card every time you come here." once we are passed the initial exchange, its time to pay. isn't it wonderful, we haven't changed our rental rate for at least a few years; still $4.23. yet every time i wait on one of these stupids, they ask "how much?" then i have to wait till they root through their bag or pocket, rounding up the funds. then i notice, three persons down the line, miss lilly has that disgusted look on her face again. great, this stupid is taking too much time getting it together and now i'll have to deal with lily's anger. merry fucking christmas and thanks for all the anger i have to absorb because you just don't get it! now our time together is coming to an end. you re-educated yourself, magically, yes you added the change correctly! i know once i have the cash, you're gonna ask another dumb question, whens the movie due back? perhaps i gave you too much credit because you counted your own change? hey, look at that! its a bright yellow sticker on the cover of the rental box. it's in english and says 2 day rental...hum do you really need more time to figure it out? and if for some reason this process is too perplexing for you, we have delt you a bonus card answer! when you get home, read your sales receipt. look at that, right smack dab under the title of the movie you rented...due back 10/05/2005. aren't we just too clever for words?

lets step back a few, shall we...as i mentioned before, you need a membership to rent. all you need to do is fill out the new member application, provide us with a photo id and a major credit card (no deibt cards excepted) or a photo id and something else with your complete name and address on it (check, piece of mail, utility bill). most of them understand the photo id part although i have had a few ask "why the picture id?". what i wish i could say..."0h, thats for the talent scout from the ford modeling agency. they are always looking for a fresh face!". part two of this is the major credit card. to this i've gotten "what about my bank card?" how on earth did you miss that silver sequin from Phyllis Diller's prom gown they embossed on the front that says "debit". and now you're angry at me because thats all you can manage?. the final request is the complete name and address...you ask "can i use my social security card?" lets think about that, gosh it only has your name on it. poor poor you, the answer is now ding bat! a few have said "i have my driver registration card out in the car" dont tell me where the damn card is, just be polite and excuse yourself and go out to the car. every now and then i get one more moment to waste and step into the bonus round....after all we've been through, thanks to your silly questions, you decide to complain about how long it took just to open a membership. i wish i could..."i think first thing tomorrow you should quit your job and become a teacher. think of all t he children that would benefit from your flawless intellect!"

one of my favorite customers is the one that hears things that aren't even said...i had a guy come up to the counter and asked if we had the ken burns baseball documentary's to rent. i was sad to say that we didn't. he then got this puzzled look on his face and asked, so you don't carry documentary's? wow, did you drive yourself here?


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