i think-august 2005

i think...
this is the part where i spill all my marbles, regardless who might fall!

10 august, 2005
a few months back i mentioned stupid parents who take their kids along shopping and don't keep their eye on them. today at work was yet another example of this...there was a young girl, maybe 5 or 6 who was actually pretty bright for her age. she and her parents made their way to the comedy, where the family spent about ten minutes wondering around. at some point mom and dad changed isles and eventually made their way to the front of the store without the little one. so while mom and dad are way up front indulging themselves in what they want, little miss left alone is still standing in the isle far from the "grown ups". i later found out the following from an customer who was in the next isle next to the little girl. not long after her parents went their own way, ms left alone began to quietly call out to her mother. seems little left alone had to take a #2, real bad! the calling continued for about a minute and oddly enough the girl remained in the same spot without trying to walk around to find her parents. i guess she reached a point of discomfort and did the unthinkable. she calmly squatted down, lowered her pajamas and left her mark right on the carpet. once the scent hit the air, the customer near her came to the front and informed me what had just happened. so i located her parents, explained the situation and handed them several cleaning supply's. they cleaned things up, rented their movies and went home, happily together.

i think it's safe to say that milk, bread and eggs are and have been staples for quite some time. i can't recall anytime when the government recalled all breads and ordered them to be impounded for an undisclosed period of time. maybe they hoped we would forget what bread was? i got this story from a guy who works across from our location in a restaurant... in his own mind perhaps, sam had been asked years ago to get rid of all knowledge of bread. forty some years later, he decides to visit ollie's, a local pancake house near my work. yes folks, sam the salad man recently had lunch, along with something he didn't seem to recognize? while at the salad bar, he called the bar prep person over towards him. before he even said hello, sam says to the guy "why are all the breads different colors?" can you believe this? so the prep guy decides instead of telling him which one is rye, pumpernickle.....he says (an example of why i like this prep guy) "well sir, we actually dye the breads different colors to make the salad bar more appealing." sam bought that story immediately then asked one more question "is the dye gonna make him sick?". had it been me who had that questioned posed to them, my response would have been... no but the shards of glass that are in your stomach will since i plan on turning your mouth into vegetable only septic tank!

wilkes barre, pa is well know for its pot holes and overall crappy road conditions. i once saw an older honda civic go front end first into one of the larger ones! the elderly couple driving the car just sat in it, with this puzzled look on their faces. good thing they buckled up! seems no matter what part of town you're in or what ever street you're traveling on, you can count on one annoying obstacle course. i remember once tossing the idea around of starting a web site, souley devoted to all the wb pot holes. i would assign an id number to each one, provide detailed images of each to then be posted on the web site and offer a tour program on the weekends. sounds like a real money maker, yes? to the current...about two weeks ago i noticed a few signs on river street that read "uneven pavement". i thought, christ it's about time somebody warns the tourist's what their in for. turns out, it wasn't anything to do with "concerned thoughts". there intent was to warn us that in a few days river street would be resurfaced. yeh, i got that from the sign? yes they did in-fact resurface river street but only a few blocks of it. why, maybe the asphalt truck ran out of gas? maybe buck & leroy (the two flagging traffic controllers) were run-over and killed instantly, leaving no one who knew how to direct traffic? maybe the major took the rolling crew out for cocktails and got so piss drunk they all forgot to go back to work? maybe someone decided to recreate the george michael video for "outside" in the back of one of the yellow dump trucks, realizing that once they got in-touch with their feminine side, the moment was too fucking hot to stop? hey, don't ever deny yourself, take a load off! for what ever reason the projects over and we still have hundreds of pot holes still available for your front ends. no reservations necessary! warning: no signs posted.

29 august, 2005
and the dumb customer award this week goes to this guy...i was recently running the vacuum at work somewhere at the far end of the store. a customer entered at the front, walked by two service reps who were at the counter without any customers, and proceeded towards me. i did have my back to him so i didn't see him coming at the time. a few minutes later i felt this tap on my shoulder...what and asshole! i turned the rug sucker off and turned around. "hey buddy, do you have a copy of the ring 2 in for rent?" i hesitated and thought of how much i wanted the vacuum to suck him up alive! "sir, there are none on the shelf at the moment. you might ask at the counter. perhaps one has been returned". then he says "oh" and walked away. he's a regular and always blurts out his requests at the counter, demanding immediate attention. what made today any different? i kept on cleaning, anticipating yet another tap.


Ethan said...

WOW! I always wondered what life was like outside of Las Vegas.....those examples had me laughing and wondering of life there! :)